


Purify the colors

by byzinha



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-27 19:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1720409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byzinha/pseuds/byzinha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monty was right, he was holding out for Octavia. That's why he snapped so fast: because he knew it was true and also knew that he couldn't hold out much longer.</p><p>Series of one-shots maybe, nothing decided yet. JasperXHarper and JasperXOctavia - sort of, for now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet me in the middle

**Author's Note:**

> My first 100 fanfic, what the hell. I need to stop watching shows that can potentially destroy my life, I'm an adult, for Christ's sake! D;
> 
> I don't know how this fanfic came to me. I know that I really like the idea of Jasper and Octavia, but by the way her character is being portrayed (a way I don't really understand, but shhh just come) I don't think we'll have them romantically speaking soon. (besides, there're only two episodes left and they're probably fight over fight? IDK, I didn't read the book, I heard it's full of romantic bullshit)
> 
> That's why I liked so much when Harper showed some interest in Jasper. I like the idea of building characters for something bigger and I hope they don't kill off Harper soon, so we can have more of this interaction between Jasper and her. I'm really hoping for it. She can help Jasper develop to be with her or with Octavia. As long as it's well written, I'm up for both. hehe
> 
> (let's forget for now that I'm also so very on for Bellarke, PLS BABIES, leave it for later)
> 
> It might or might not become a series of one-shots. I don't know, I only had ideas for two chapters.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> Title comes from Arcade Fire's Tunnels, because AF is the fuel of my life.
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer: The 100 is not mine, I don't even know who wrote the book. However, I wanna thank the author, because the book gave us the TV show and the TV show gave us Dev Bostick, Rodrick of the year, and I only started to watch it because of him so I'm calling dibs in this one.**

" _Purify the colors, purify my mind_  
 _and spread the ashes of the colors over this heart of mine_."  
Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) – Arcade Fire

**1\. Meet me in the middle**

He was a dick. Digging through the latrine he knew he had been a dick to Harper. He needed to apologize, because he was awful and to apologize was the least he could do (and what he had been doing an awful lot of times in the past days).

So Jasper finished what he had to do and used the last sunlight to take a bath on the creek nearby they were using as shower before heading back to the camp and his tent. The weather was particularly warm that day, considering the past frozen days they faced, and the heat was welcomed.

If he wasn't a bit of a scientist, Jasper would've lost track of how many days they spent on Earth already, but he knew – and if he calculated it right, they landed around the weird days between winter and spring, when the weather is not really sure what it's supposed to deliver.

He knew Harper would finish her watch right before dinner, so he grabbed an apple on the way to gate three, where she was assigned. Sure enough he met her in the middle. Her hair was different, without the braids she usually makes, but in a ponytail and she had new clothes. Or maybe she was just exchanging with the other girls, they weren't having many space to go on searching for clothes and fabric on long lost bunkers, the Grounders being around and all.

"Hi, Jasper." Harper greeted with a shy smile. He noticed that she had been a bit timid ever since he dismissed her, almost a week before.

Jasper had never noticed her; not in that holy-shit-this-is-the-prettiest-girl-I've-ever-seen kind of notice like happened with Octavia. He knew who Harper was before, she used to buy from him and Monty once in a while and she never acted as if she was interested in him. At least he had never noticed – that holy-shit-this-girl-seem-to-like-me kind of notice.

But he was noticing now. And maybe Monty was right, maybe Harper was very on.

"Hi, Harper." He handed her the apple. "Hungry?"

She looked from the apple to his eyes, some understanding flashing in hers. She accepted the apple, the fruit almost twice the size of her hand, but didn't eat it immediately.

"Thanks."

Jasper only nodded and knew he had to say something. He wasn't really good, though. Damn, he was the nerd pot dealer from the Arc, his scientific knowledge was vast, but when it came to women he had very little practice. Probably half of the girls he had been with were dead already. It was hard to know when there was no signal from the Arc, and at that moment he had to focus on the girl in front of him.  _Think straight, Jasper. Be cool and be nice_.

"Look, Harper… I'm sorry I was a dick the other day." He said at last. "You were nice and I was just rude."

"It's okay, really." She assured with a smile – one that looked almost like her normal smile. "I understand."

He raised an eyebrow and got a step closer.

"Understand what exactly, may I ask?" Jasper said and Harper bit her lip. She was a little thing, almost a head shorter than him and there was dirty on her forehead. Without even realizing, he raised his hand to wipe it out with his thumb. Under the sunset light her cheeks blushed. "Sorry, that was unappropriated."

"No, it wasn't." she said, maybe a little too fast, blushing more. Damn it, what was it about Jasper that made Harper, the girl arrested because she tried to trade white guns in the Arc's black market, stutter and blush? That wasn't good. "I mean…" she sighed. "It's okay, thanks."

Jasper smiled that smile of his as if he was about to burst out laughing and looked around her shaking his head. She was making a fool of herself, wasn't she?

"All right, if you say so." He replied and looked back, to his tent. "You know, it'd be cool if you want to come to my tent. It's pretty big, plenty of space and all…" now he was the one blushing and Harper smiled.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, of course. I mean, only if you want to."

She looked down, biting her lower lip and then looked back at him.

"I'd love to."

Jasper's eyes filled with surprise and he raised his eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He rubbed his hands on his pants nervously, because it had actually worked and Harper seemed amused with the situation. It was what she wanted in the first place and he had finally given in.

"Cool." Jasper said low. It was more than what he expected and it was better, because he was focused on Harper and Harper only, and she had those dimples when she smiled and her eyes were in a beautiful shade of green.

"So…?" she started. "Do you have plans for tonight? Because I'm free."

Jasper shrugged.

"I don't even have plans for right now."

"So how about we do nothing together?" she suggested.

Harper smiled again, this time differently, sassy, and held his hand. He understood immediately and they walked to his tent. It was empty, because Monty was helping delivering food and would be busy later, since he and Raven were developing a secret project.

"Your tent really is nice." Harper said once they were inside. "Mine is small. I used to share it with Roma, but…" her voice shivered and she took a second to recover. The death of her friend still was fresh in her memory. "Now I share with this girl called Sasha and she's fifteen, was arrested because she broke into one of the oxygen compartments when hiding from bullies."

"It's funny, isn't it?" Jasper commented, shrugging off his jacket. "How we do this thing about saying our names and our arresting story? We always do that."

She thought for a second.

"I guess you're right. I've never noticed, but yeah, we usually do that."

"We still are very connected to the laws of the Arc, even when we try to make our own rules." He lost track of thought as Harper got closer, removing her jacket too. "Anyway," Jasper tried to fix his reasoning "is this Sasha who borrowed you these clothes?"

"Sort of." She shrugged. "She's a sewer, it's her thing. She can pull of clothes from  _anything_ , is fantastic." She undid the ponytail and her hair cascaded on her shoulders. They were so close Jasper could see the colors that made her eyes so beautiful, the dim light bringing some mystery to her features.

"Neat. Maybe she can fix me something."

"Maybe." Harper agreed and the following second Jasper was kissing her.

His kiss was torturingly calm and careful at first, a discreet touch of lips that lasted a bit too long. He let go just a couple of inches to look into her eyes and tilted his head to the other side, kissing her again, this time for real. For Harper, it felt like  _finally_.

They helped each other out of their many layers of clothes and stumbled under the covers of his bed, Harper on top, and they kissed and touched and felt each other with determination.

"You're hot, you know that, right?" Harper told him later. They still were tangled together, both sitting up, she on his lap, one of her arms around his neck, her other hand cupping his cheek. Jasper stopped what he was doing – the kisses on the salty skin of her neck – to look into her eyes.

"No…?" he answered questioning.

"You are." She nodded soberly. "In that nerdy, misunderstood way, but you are." She kissed his chin, and then his lips, the movement of her hips were almost unconscious.

"Thank you, I guess." He said tracing her back with his hands, his finger tangling in the long locks of her hair and she tilted her head, her thumb tracing his jaw line.

"I like your face. I like that chin of yours, think it's sexy as hell."

This time he genuinely laughed, something he was doing less the last few days, with all the possibility of Grounder attack anytime.

"It's true!" Harper protested and Jasper caressed her hair damp with sweat just like his.

He believed her. And it was good to know that there was this other beautiful girl who liked him and him alone, with whom he had a shot, unlike Octavia. Monty was right, that was why he had snapped so fast – Jasper  _was_  holding out to Bellamy's sister. He thought from day one that that was what he  _had_  to do. Until the moment he realized he didn't need to. Octavia had her own priorities and he wasn't one of them. He might as well find his own priorities too.

That was when he started to work on the chemicals for Raven, but it turned out not being enough. Maybe Harper could help him figure out.

"Hey." He said, holding her close by her neck, their noses touching. "Don't even let me start telling you about what make  _you_  sexy as hell, I can go on the whole night."

Harper smiled, moving as if they could be closer than they already were, and wished it could last, wished the Grounders won't come and slay them, so they could last, because it felt damn good to be with Jasper and she couldn't choose something else.


	2. What you got, they can't steal it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy was shot and Octavia seems helpless. Wait is not what she likes to do, so Jasper takes his time to distract her. Only her idea of distraction is not the same as his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thank you for reading! Here it is, chapter two.
> 
> I decided that I'm gonna do an out-of-order thingy, because why not? And today I give you a bit of Jasper/Octavia (and a little hint on Bellarke, shiu, tell no one!)
> 
> I hope you all like it! I really liked to write, that I know. I'd love if you leave me your thoughts via review after reading it, thank you very much! hehe
> 
> Now for the chapter.

" _And if the daylight feels like is a long way off,_  
 _and if your glass heart should crack,_  
 _and for a second you turn back, oh no, be strong_."  
Walk on – U2

The day Bellamy took an arrow so close to his heart, he immediately collapsed and bled so much the rangers who were with him thought he was going to die right there and then was also the day he allowed his little sister Octavia to go with them map the region. Consequently, it was the day she got so scared she almost lost her mind. Bellamy, despite everything, was the only thing she had. There was no way she could live without him and Clarke needed – she just NEEDED – to save him.

So they walked straight back to the camp – their still shredded camp, in ruins since the battle against the Grounders -, carefully caring their leader to the closest person they had to a doctor. Their arrival was greeted with scared and confused faces, Octavia running ahead screaming Clarke's name.

"CLARKE!" She called almost at the door of the drop ship, but Clarke came from her tend, with sleepy eyes and confusion that only spread when she saw Octavia's bloody hands and clothes.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice cracking. Octavia was crying, something harder to see than one would expect. The thing was serious and soon Clarke knew why. As soon as the girl in front of her started talking, the rangers appeared with Bellamy.

"They shot him. I don't think they are very happy about us, but I thought we had an agreement." The brunette was babbling, unable to focus; her clear eyes dropping tears after tears. "Clarke, you need to save him, please." Octavia begged, holding Clarke by her jacket. Everyone knew what to do by them, and the rangers where going straight inside the drop ship – their medical room. "Please, Clarke."

Octavia was so lost, Clarke had no will to tell the girl that seeing Bellamy unconscious like that, pale like that, scared her shitless as well; she couldn't bring herself to break the way the brunette had, because she had to stay together and help him heal. So Clarke put her hands in Octavia's, easing her grip and looked into the girl's eyes, trying to talk calmly.

"I'll, I promise, but you need to let me go, right?" she smiled and Octavia noticed what she was doing: holding Clarke back, so she released her fingers. "You stay here and I'll tell if anything –  _anything_  – changes, okay? But first, do me a favor? Tell Monty I need him."

Clarke got a nod as answer and when she ran to the drop ship, to Bellamy, Octavia turned to find Monty. He was in Raven's tent that was particularly crowded, Jasper and Finn being there too. They were experimenting some new ammunition, something that seemed very explosive, but their attention was immediately turned to Octavia crying figure.

"Monty," she said and her voice cracked, so she had to clear her throat. "uh-Clarke is calling you, she needs your help."

He nodded and put aside the piece of motor he was holding before getting up.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"She doesn't look okay." Jasper stated and Octavia nodded.

"Bellamy was shot, Clarke needs you now, Monty." And with that, the boy hurried to the drop ship.

"What happened?" Raven asked, concern in her eyes. "Is he going to be fine?"

"I think we crossed some territory, always that damn territory thingy, it's absurd. Why take it so serious? Why attack us?..." she trailed off, but Jasper already was in front of her, bringing her to a hug.

"Hey, Clarke will do everything she can, you know that." He tried to calm her and after a moment she hugged him back, her face buried in his chest. Jasper caressed her hair. "Bellamy won't die, he just can't. He won't leave you."

Slowly, Octavia calmed and nodded in silence. She didn't want to see the pity on the other's face, so when she stepped back from Jasper's embrace, she didn't look up. Everyone was very quiet, because they knew the camp depended on Bellamy for many things; Clarke couldn't rule alone, she'd break without him balancing her.

"Come on," Jasper said, trying to keep his tone light. "let's get you cleaned up, get you some clean clothes." He guided her out of the tent towards Harper's. "Do you know Sasha? She's the one doing most of the camp's new clothes and they are pretty awesome, don't you think?"

"Jasper…" Octavia started, but he wouldn't stop.

"Look, you're stressed. Let me distract you with silly talk, okay? Just this time."

She almost smiled and leaned on him a bit; he let her, holding her shoulder firmly. Octavia knew Jasper and Harper were a thing now and she was happy for him, she really was. But ever since she lost Lincoln, she seemed a little lost, and with her friend entangled in another girl's arms it was quite difficult for her to copy.

Right outside Harper's tent was Sasha and two other girls. They were officially responsible for sewing and fixing clothes and what else more they could do with the few resources they had. Everything had to be learned on the ground, since they didn't have the Ark's technology in hand and even a thread was a difficulty, no matter how many bunkers they found. Only now they were starting to make some things out of the animal's leather. By fall, they were hopping to have some warm clothes, just for a change.

Octavia grabbed a dress that was part of the clothes they had found in one of their searches around, a pre-nuclear surviving piece of fabric made of cotton, and she and Jasper headed to the lake instead of the creek, because the day was clearer and warmer than it had been in days and the creek was surrounded by trees that made the air much more chilly (despite the fact that, well, anyone could show up any moment).

This time, Octavia didn't do the whole look-at-me-I'm-taking-off-my-clothes scene, she felt no need to show off. It was just Jasper and her and she didn't have to impress anyone. So she just took of her boots, dropped the dress by it and jumped right into the water with all her clothes on.

When she submerged, Octavia couldn't help but to feel lucky. A lot of bad things had happened in her short life, but she had family, with Bellamy, and friends among the hundred, and she was on the ground with all the beautiful and twisted things Earth could provide. She was lucky.

She surfaced again when she felt the movement on the water change, the memory of that weird fish still fresh in her mind, even though it happened months ago, but it was only Jasper. He had stripped down to his underwear because, unlike her, he hadn't brought a change. Octavia half walked, half swan closer to a big rock and removed her pants, trying to wash it the best she could without soap.

Jasper came closer, too, leaning his back on the hot rock and closed his eyes while Octavia did her thing. He didn't talk more, which kind of brought her back to her own thoughts. That wasn't good. It wasn't good because she thought of arriving at the camp and finding out her brother was dead, or of how fragile the agreement they had with the Grounders were and how the hundred could be slayed any moment, or how they still had no idea what happened to the ship that dropped almost a month before, because it fell beyond the grounder's territory. Jasper was right, she needed a distraction, she needed to clear her mind, but everything was too quiet and peaceful to keep her from thinking.

Except that Jasper was there with her. She looked down and saw the scar remembering that first day, when he took a spear for trying to impress her. That first time when he almost died. Every single one of the hundred had an experience of almost-death, but only two had it because of her: Lincoln and Jasper. And while Lincoln was most likely dead (a small pain in her chest, like an insect bite), Jasper was there with her.

As if he could read her mind, he opened his eyes just to catch her staring, and he cocked his head in confusion.

"What?" Jasper asked, kind of mocking and Octavia got closer. He had nowhere to go, he already was against a rock and it was easy for her to trap him. "What are you thinking about, O?"

"Lots of things. Anything." She answered. She was so close now, their skin was in contact with each other. He knew exactly what was going on and had no idea how to react to it.

"Octavia, I-" but he was surprised by her lips in his. Second time since they landed, two completely different situations and they still were the same people.

He stood there, frozen in place for the eternity that she kissed him. And he didn't kiss her back, all the time thinking what the hell was going on and what was he supposed to do. Part of him wanted to kiss her back. Damn, part of him wanted to kiss her all the time! But the other part knew that he was cool with Harper and his friendship with Octavia was precious.

Everything was fragile and so was the beautiful girl in front of him. She was the toughest and most fragile thing he ever knew. She protected and needed protection – from the world, from herself. She was incredible and she was kissing him until she was not.

"What's wrong?" Octavia asked, her eyes fixed in his, questioning.

"O, don't you think this is a bit rushed? I mean, right now is not the right momen-no, don't do that!" He exclaimed when she removed her top, nothing but bare skin on the open; her beautiful, unbelievable beautiful skin, her breasts in contact with his chest. He needed a great amount of willpower to look the other way, to keep his eyes in hers. "Why do women keep on removing their clothes in front of me?" his rhetorical question almost desperate.

She decided to change the method and started to kiss his neck, one of her hands on his back, the other on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Jasper's breathing was uneven and his heart was beating fast while she moved her kisses up. When she was close to his mouth again, they looked into each other's eyes one more time.

"This is fucked up." Jasper said and Octavia shrugged.

"Who cares?"

He cared. And he was pretty sure Harper would care too. But that part of him was getting very weak and before he could realize, he had held Octavia's head with both hands and was kissing her,  _really_  kissing her, and she sighed in his lips, he knew she was smiling.

They moved in place and soon Jasper was the one trapping Octavia against the rock, her legs crossed on his back keeping him close and they had so little fabric separating them it was maddening.

And they wanted each other so badly.

Jasper saw himself get carried by the moment as if for the distance. He saw his hands exploring Octavia's skin, saw the way he kissed her on the lips and down her neck, the water making her weightless; the way she sighed in his ear and held him closer. Octavia had small hips and small boobs that felt different under his touch. He wasn't used to her body, he was used to Harper's. Her hair was different too, Harper's curled a bit, her locks were longer than Octavia's. It was all wrong and he didn't recognize that person. As soon as he realized that he wasn't being himself, he stopped.

"I'm with Harper." He stated and Octavia smiled.

"I won't tell if you don't." she said, trying to sound sexy and tried to kiss him again, but he stopped her, holding her firmly in place.

"No, O. I mean it, I'm with Harper, you're just my friend."

Well, that did hurt. She immediately stopped trying to bring him back to her, her hands rested limply on his chest.

"Don't you like me, J?" she asked and couldn't believe the tone of her own voice, as if she was about to cry (and the blur in her eyes proved that she really was).

"I do like you, Octavia, you know that. I like you a lot." He said low and serious, yet sweetly. He wiped one tear that dropped in her cheek with his thumb. "That's exactly why I can't do this."

Octavia narrowed her eyes as if that was the stupidest reason ever to give, but Jasper didn't care – it was the truth.

"I know you're scared and sad and worried." He continued. "I know you want a distraction. I'm your friend, O, I know  _you_. I don't think it's healthy, I'm pretty sure we'd regret it instantaneously and it'd be hell to be around each other."

"You can't be that bad, Harper's always very happy." She replied without thinking and Jasper smiled as if, well, he wasn't bad.

"Octavia." He caressed her hair, then reached for her top, that was floating within arm range and helped her put it back on.

"You suck at distracting me." She complained and he laughed.

"I can tell you all about the super bomb-y thing Monty and Raven are constructing and what's my part in it."

"I thought we were at peace." Octavia commented, mocking.

"Bellamy was shot today, you can't really believe it." Jasper regretted the words as soon as they were out, but that was the thing about discourse: you can't go back. He opened his mouth to apologize, but she shook her head.

"I understand, it's okay." She said calm, and then embraced him, hiding her head on the curve his neck. They stood there, on the water, in each other arms, for a very long time, enough time to the sun start to come down. According to his calculations, it was around three in the afternoon when she finally said "You're my best friend. You're a good friend." And then "I love you, Jasper."

Jasper nodded. He knew.

"I love you too, Octavia."

-X-

They had to wait another half hour in the camp until Clarke stepped out of the drop ship. There was blood in her cheeks, her hands and her blouse and Octavia stood up, getting closer. Clarke was crying, but she was also smiling, the tears risking the blood stains in her cheeks.  _How did she have blood even in her cheeks_?

"So?" Octavia demanded anxiously. The blonde smiled and nodded.

"He's fine. He's gonna be fine. He's awake, go on, he wants to see you."

"He's fine?" she asked again, to be completely sure, her hands on Clarke's arms and the girl nodded again. "Why are you crying, then?" she whispered, but there was humor in her voice. Octavia had a good guess why the leader of the hundred got so shaken with Bellamy's almost death.

"Go, O." Clarke ushered with a smirk and Octavia hugged her, thanking her a million times if she could, before running to Bellamy. It didn't matter that outside the sky was clear and blue. Just the sign of his smile, bossy and alive, brightened her day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for reading and please review and leave kuddos? Please? See you again soon! x


	3. People in this world got no place to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In her white room, Clarke has too much time to think about the boys she lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is unfairly short, I'm sorry. It's just me the whole time since I last posted trying to figure out what to do about that season finale. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO US?
> 
> Good news are: Octavia and Harper are alive. Monty is alive.
> 
> Murphy, Finn and Bellamy, well, I prefer to wait until season 2 confirm stuff. (I refuse to have less Bob Morley in my 100 life.)
> 
> But the important thing here is: now a little bit of Clarke, because I wanted to write her and because it is important (short, but important). I hope everyone like this chapter.

" _When love is gone, where does it go?_  
 _And where do we go?_ "  
Afterlife - Arcade Fire

In her white room, Clarke used to think about the war she's been part of. She used to close her eyes and count all the people she had and lost. She used to open her eyes and realize that two of the most important people in her life were dead and there was nothing she could ever do about it.

Finn was the first friend she made – even though they were more than friends once and even though he said he wanted more than friendship shortly before everything went down – and the one who promised would never leave her. Stupid heroism, Finn. You didn't need to save everyone you could.

(except that he did, didn't he?)

Stupid.  _Stupid_.

And Bellamy, the rabid leader who was so many things – more good than bad, if you asked her – and challenged her and brought out the ugly and pretty in her. Bellamy, who could be called many names, but never, never one could say he didn't care about his people. Bellamy, who had to do things himself and was too hard on himself.

(you can't be dead. You  _CAN'T_.)

When in her white room, Clarke remembered the two times her heart almost stopped because of boys' hearts almost stopping. About the time Finn, stabbed and poisoned was almost gone if it wasn't for Octavia (where are you, O?), the moment she realized she couldn't do this Earth business without him. And the time Bellamy took an arrow close to the heart and was put in her table unconscious, pale, with so much blood loss; the moment she was almost done and put her bloody hands in his face and  _begged_  him to survive and wake up, because she couldn't lead without him, she couldn't function without his support and everything would be meaningless without him around (and how, when he woke up, with his cracked smile and husky voice, he asked ' _Why the tears, princess?_ ' and tell no one, but God how she wanted to kiss him).

(she had lost two people and she had two questions: it was meaningless without him, wasn't it? and how much can a broken promise hurt?)

In her white room, Clarke thought about how fragile life is, and how strong death can become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who left kudos and reviewed and bookmarked the fic. Please, leave your review, okay? It means a lot. And see you around! :D x


	4. Our place on the dirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH!
> 
> So, this is a gift for my girl Sarah, who's constantly changing her URL on tumblr, but people might know her by the user hailmaliahale. She's the most hardcore Rellamy shipper and she asked me plent of times to write something Rellamy-related (and also hinted that her birthday would be the perfect day to publish it) so here it is!
> 
> I hope you like it, doll! I sure liked to write, it came up easier than I thought it would!
> 
> Have the best day ever and don't forget to tell me what you thought about this little gift.
> 
> Also, for you, my reader who's not my canadian beaver Sarah, if you want to leave your thoghts on this chapter, I'd very much appreciate it too!

" _Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move_  
makes me feel like I can't live without you, it takes me all the way.  
I want you to stay."  
Rihanna

The first time Bellamy felt guilty about Raven was the time they slept together. It was also the last time he pretended he didn't care. That girl, bright and broken in his arms, trying to act out of who she was could only imagine the difference she made in his life. That girl, from the depths of her misery, proved to him that not to care was dangerous.

…

There was something about Raven that edged Bellamy. It was different from Octavia and definitely different from Clarke. That brain of hers – he wondered -, that was scary as hell. How could someone so young be so intelligent?

It was her brain that put her with a bullet in her spine. That brain of hers that came up with a plan to rescue him and nothing in this world could make him feel okay about it – even though he needed his game face to fight the grounders.

It was the second time he felt this guilt because of her and as she was blacked out in that drop ship and he ran with Finn for their lives, there was nothing consuming him alive more than the two women in his life and Raven. Oh, Raven, too good for her own good.

…

He had ran for his life, tagging along with other kids from the hundred, the moment he saw the door of the drop ship being closed. Ran with one thing in his mind and one thing only – survive.

He was going to meet them again, all of them. Octavia and Lincoln, Jasper, Clarke. Raven.

Despite being acting like a man, Bellamy, at that moment, still felt like a kid. They were all kids and they had all seen too much. He could only wonder what it was like for the Grounders. There was no escape from fate on the dirty and the thoughts were a cycle.

Survive.

Thrive.

Live.

May we meet again.

And they did.

Raven, just Raven. It was painful to watch, as she cried in pain. Raven, the strongest of them all.

And he had thought he couldn't feel more guilty.

…

The thing about feeling guilt over things (and facts and people) is that it is not a cycle – it's a pyramid. It builds itself taller and higher and it tombs your deepest feelings. It crushes you. It makes you want to stop. It screams in your ears and makes you feel helpless, selfish, dirty. It smashes your bones and steps on your heart, stealing away all your will.

Until you find something else to help you carry on.

 _Find our friends_  – she had said. Not to him directly. But the friends were theirs. She had been strong and her mind was clearer than anyone else's. She had shown them why to keep fighting when she couldn't fight herself. And he felt guilty for feeling guilty in the first place.

There was no one like Raven in this world, in this earth. But Bellamy sure could aspire to be a tiny bit like her and no one could stop him.


	5. Two acts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We came to an inevitable point - Harper, the reason why this fic started, is probably going to die. So I felt like writing it.
> 
> Behold, for it has angst.

This tale comes in two acts.

ACT ONE

They spend the whole night trying to figure out the maps and coming up with a plan. They have to do three things – get guns, find Harper, leave – and considering that they were forty-six delinquents, that shouldn't be hard.

The following morning, right before breakfast, everything was settled and with a little help from Maya they located Harper.

Fortunately, the way out was near the room the girl was being kept, so they parted in three groups, Jasper making sure to be in the small one that'd rescue her from whatever it was that the mountain men was doing to her. He owned that to her, because he could be the one in that room.

Harper is found by Jasper, Maya, Monty and other six kids that shot down several nurses and doctors to get there. She's weak, as if they drained the blood from her veins, and highly drugged, barely awake. From her lips, however, under the sound of gunshot, she manages to hush

"Jasper. The hero again." As she sees him caring her out of there.

They harvest everyone that blocks their way and by the door that leads to the Reaper's tunnel, Maya stops Jasper one last time.

"I can't go on." She reminds him and he balances Harper's weight in his arms. "I can slow the guards down."3.

After a second of just looking in her eyes, with people passing by them, Jasper finally speaks.

"Just make sure to stay alive, please?"

Miller, on his way out, offers to carry Harper and takes the girl in his arms. The other boy silently asks for care and begs for Harper to stay alive, remembering the offer of a visit to a tent.

"I'll try my best." Maya says, a little joke that he doesn't quite process in time. Before any reaction, she reaches up and kisses him – quickly and finally -, then urges him forward. They don't know how long she will be able to survive that open door. He does have one last thing to say, though.

"May we meet again."

A few less then forty-seven kids of the sky people jump the waterfall and are surprised to find Ark guards and Grounders halfway to the drop ship.

Act one ends two days later, after many care from Abby with Harper waking up just to find Jasper resting with his hand in hers. They aren't all alive, but they are in peace – as far as peace can go. He tells her that she can have his tent all to herself and it's the first time she laughs in a long time.

ACT TWO

Also known as reality.

Peace is not easy. Finn is gone. Clarke is broken. But aren't they all?

The forty-six plan their scape unsure of what would happen if they didn't succeed, after all the mountain people exceed them in numbers and who knew what kind of war power they had.

It takes three days for the Grounders and the Ark people to walk up, capture the Reapers and clear the path. Another whole one to open the doors.

The time runs out pretty quick for the mountain men to be eaten by the radiation. Maya dies in Jasper's arms, begging him to kill her before it gets worst and with tears streaming down his cheeks he grants her wish.

"May we meet again." He mumbles against the skin of her forehead before pulling the trigger.

They rescue forty-six kids from the sky people and a hundred three Grounders locked in jails. They have a place to stay now, but decided to use it as a hospital for the former Reapers. Camp was just as good for now.

On their way out, they sort the bodies of the deceived by the mountain men and between thoughts of finally going home and loss, Jasper finds the one body he was hopping not to see, not after he had just lost Maya.

There's no life in Harper's body when he holds her, but her green eyes are open. Jasper didn't save the day this time and the promise of a visit to his tent echoes in his memories. He'd give his whole tent for her now, if he could, if she just breathed again and if her heart beat again, but there was no blood in her body for her heart to bomb and peace tasted bittersweet in his mouth.

Act two ends with Jasper closing Harper's eyes and walking away feeling helpless and broken.

But aren't they all?


End file.
